my best friend.

I need a dog.
I sometimes believe that people have soul mates. In the form of a best friend, and a life partner. But then sometimes I think, maybe people are just there for a time, and I think a person will find their soul mate, partner, if they have one, but not everyone finds a soul mate best friend. I would love to. I dont have a soul mate best friend. There's many people I like, and many people who I like even more, but it's not like that. Soul mate best friends need to be the same sex as you, b/c i have some AMAZING guy best friends...but they will get married and do their thing, and I can't have them as I do now forever. But with the way I'm living will I ever stay in one place long enough to actually have a real best friend? Maybe not. That's ok I guess. I have my good friends for a time. Like my camp friends, who i ran into tonight at corn adn apple, SO awesome. I miss them SO much they have no idea. Or my school friends, who are deer to me too, or my brightwood friends...aw...yeah I guess I'm like that guy in this Dreamcatcher book I read who just mosey's on through life, just him and Jesus, and people come and go and have their time, but he has what' s important to him. Just the Lord.

heal me...

Psalm 6.

O Lord, do not rebuke me in your anger, or discipline me in your wrath.

Be merciful to me, Lord for I am faint;

O Lord, heal me, for my bones are in agony.

How long O Lord, how long?

Turn, O Lord, and deliver me;

save me b/c of your unfailing love.

No one remembers you when he is dead.

Who praises you from the grave?

I am worn out from groaning;

all night long I flood my bed with weeping,

and drench my couch with tears.

My eyes grow weak with sorrow; they fail b/c of all my foes.

Away from me, all you who do evil,

for the Lord has heard my cry for mercy; the Lord accepts my prayer.

All of my enemies will be ashamed and dismayed;

they will turn back in sudden disgrace.

what the -

I have sat in this office for the past 2 months, not doing much. I don't see much in favour for this job except the lovely paycheque I get every two weeks! That's my blessing I guess. Im at work right now, trying to look busy and stay out of the way. I do a good job lookin serious when I need to, even when my friends are telling me funny stories on msn, and I'm dying inside laughing. Yup. That's my life.
My other life, in Morden that is, has become peaceful, and pretty much there is none! But that's the peaceful part. I can't be around drugs. Or I'll do them. Or want to, and that's pretty much the same thing anyways I think. Well maybe not, but kind of. So I tell my friends here please don't smoke weed or do your meth or whatever around me, and if I have to I just go home. I've made my choice, and if I was more important than drugs to them, they would have called me more than none in the past week. Yeah I know they're calling me a tight-ass or whatever. I don't care. But I do care that they don't care, and I am not more important than a damn joint, and when they complain all the time about other people choosing crack adn coke over them, they get really mad. But they do it too. I know it's "just weed", but i also know how selfish it is, and I see now how it runs peoples lives. "I NEED to get high. that's ALL Im goign to look for ALL night. That's ALL Im goign to talk about or even think about until it happens. AND THEN Im going to go find MORE." Give me a break. I did it too. I was ridiculous. And Im not goign to do it anymore. I told them I wasn't goin to be a hypocrite anymore, and they werelike well you're not DOING it though, and I was like I dont even want to be around it.
But they dont' care. Even if they did call they'd test me to see what I'd put up with. There's no respect. Can you have a friednship with no respect? I respect their choices. Do your drugs if that's what you really NEED. I wish they wouldn't, but I understand what they're thinking. And what they tihnk they need to get by everyday. If they want to do it, I just went home. But if I come around it messes up their routine, and their freedom to get high whenever they want, so they just dont call me anymore. Oh well, only 2 weeks and 2 days left until I go back to school. And I can't wait. I'ts scary there too though!!!! Esp my internship AHHH. At least i dont have any Greek to go to THANK GOD. I'm done that forever!!! Thank GOD.