Hmm...

Do I care? What do I care about? I'm not sure I give a shit about much lately anymore. I hate school, people suck, and I'm so utterly unhappy with life and I'm STUCK in it. There's nothing I can do right now to change this and I feel like I grew up in a life I didnt' ask for. I guess nobody asked for their lives or have much control over what goes on in their lives, but I think we can steer our directions the way we want...so why am I so damn stupid sometimes? Why was I?! Why must I be so emotion-driven and why must I be the way I am. Can I do anything to change it?! No. People can pretend they aren't what they really are but deep down they still are. And there's nothing anyone can do. Can God change someone? ! I don't even know anymore. I feel like I don't know anything and I dont' care if I pass school or if I graduate or if I stay here or not this summer. I don't care if I have anyone to talk to or if I need anyone or if I even care much. I dont' care if I care. That's an interesting quote. I probably do care about some things. I know that some circumstances would MAKE me care. Sometimes things just force their way into our paths and make us feel and make us take an action we'd rather not or never would have otherwise. I can find happiness sometimes during a day but nothing that lasts forever. And the next day go on my lonely search again. Fuck the world just sucks sometimes. I wish I didn't complain, and I wish that I wasn't prone to being ME. I always thought that I was all I had and that I was the only one who had to live with me for the rest of my life so I should take care of ME and meet MY needs. Maybe I should again. If I'm not happy then how the hell can I make anyone else around me happy. Yeah I can make people laugh but am I genuine? Do people know I'm just getting by and trying to distract myself from life?! I need to leave. I need to get out of school and away from everything I know right now.